Purple Jesus Prayer Rug
Thursday March 16, 2006
That's not a headline, it's the creepiest junk mailer I have ever received. This was just too bizarre and too hilariously creepy not to share.
I tend to get quite a bit of church and religion-related direct mail; in part because of my job and in part because I'm on the membership rolls of several right-wing organizations I like to keep an eye one. Most of it falls into two categories: "give us money to defeat the nefarious plans of the secular humanist neo-pagans," and "give us money to save the children/minister to heathens."
I knew this one was special the minute I picked up the envelope, which was covered with heavy black-inked, red-underlined letters, and read something like a bottle of Dr. Bronner's soap, with lots of red underlining and bold text for emphasis.
Inside was a letter, headed: "Dear someone connected with this address," and described all the wonderful, miraculous things that would happen if I utilized the "Bible, Faith, Church Prayer Rug" enclosed. I was directed to perform a little ritual with the enclosed "Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug:"
"After you kneel on this Church Prayer Rug," it instructed, "or place it over your knees, place it in a Bible, on Philippians 4:19. " It goes on to warn "Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees." It then instructs me to return this folded newsprint "rug" (which I will describe momentarily), "in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church's chapel prayer room, in faith. We must also have this letter back."
Of course, I couldn't wait to see what this "miraculous" "Bible Faith Church Rug" looked like, so I opened it up to reveal a garish, poster-sized, disembodied weeping purple Jesus head...but this was no ordinary purple Jesus- "Look into Jesus' eyes you will see they are closed. But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening." Concealed in the "closed" eyes of Purple Jesus are two faint purple irises...and Purple Jesus is ever-so-slightly crosseyed. The "rug" goes on to repeat the earlier instructions and warns me not to keep it- someone else NEEDS it! At this point, I'm wondering if I should wash my hands...
Also included in this bizarre mailer is an envelope marked "This is the next MORNING," addressed to an oklahoma PO Box, and two pages of (obligatory) testamonials, but nothing nearly so fun as the cross-eyed purple Jesus, who I've hung over my desk to cheer up my Monks.
After a little checking, I find that Purple Jesus is the brainchild of LA millionaire James Eugene Ewing, who apparently lives very high on the hog with the money raised "praying" for millions of suckers impressed enough by the staring eyes of Purple Jesus to send him money...which of course offends the competition to no end.
Comments
I too recieved this in the mail! I mailed it back but didn’t send any money!!!!
So creepy! I got this in the mail yesterday and shredded it.
I got this in the mail today. I was going to mail the “prayer rug” back with pennies taped over Jesus’ eyes, but didn’t because (a) only some jaded clerical schmuck would ever see it and has probably already encountered every possible snotty response, and (b) it’s just too freakin’ awesome to part with! I have it up on my bulletin board where I can look at it whenever I want. It should be great for freaking out visitors.
Wow that’s strange, I got the same rug!
haha
I sent it back with a letter saying,
“You will indeed be punished by god for lying and not following in his steps. Your state authorities are aware of your presence, and will soon be prosecuted.”
creative, ain’t I? ^^
My wife and I just opened our “special” letter with enclosed rug. It gave us a good laugh after a long day.
We have not decided which response to give to it.
Yeah — I got one too. One of the funniest pieces of junk mail I ever got. And it is being coveted by all my friends. Wait - that’s a “sin”, right?
Thrilled to find your blog about it, especially given your comments! Thanks. Lets all get together and use our Jesus’s eyes are closed prayer rugs to paper a wall somewhere!
I got one of these things yesterday. I think I’ll hold onto the rug. It ties the room together.
I’ve gotten several of them at home & mailed them back without money so they’d have to pay the postage. Today I got one at the 7th Day Adventist owned corporation where I work. I printed off a couple of online scam reports, cut up the rug, & now I’m looking for something small but heavy to go in the envelope to up the postage. My own small contribution to their cause.
WHY DON’T THEY PUT PEOPLE LIKE THIS IN JAIL!!
I got my rug yesterday and I think I received an inferior reproduction—the eyes don’t cross! Could they be they off-shoring the most basic of American institutions—American Snake Oil Evangelism? Is nothing sacred?!?
I always like to “decorate” mine before sending it back.
OMG.. I got the same thing in the mail a week ago. Too funny. I threatened to send mine back with “return to sender”… “this address doesn’t accept junk mail.. Have a blessed day”..
LOL…
I got one of these yesterday. I think I am going to send them a scam letter of my very own, with an added note that reads, “an eye for an eye.”
Wow, I’ve gotten this thing twice. I’m on no right wing mailing lists.
The funniest part, aside from the rug(which our house cleaning crew threw away last thursday, they’ll burn in hell for that!) The testimonials were for Money. The prayer requests had things on it like Money, New Car, House. If I remember, the money testimonials were from sources that were obviously in the works(divorce settlement, dead family member with money, yeah! Hey! Grandpa died! I got a new car! Thank you prayer rug!).. mind you, I got my second copy last wednesday and I hadn’t the chance to read it for a good laugh.
The SAD Part is that the guys behind this(with some reasearch done with my first rug in 1995.. and of yeah, the rugs are obviously freshly printed and not reused, an insult to intelligence).. where was I? The guy behind this has no church. The photo of the church included is, if I recall, an actual church, but not this church. There is no congregation. It’s a room of people opening Prayer Rug envelopes and collecting $$$. (I hope they recycle). He’s been under investigation, and even had charged files against him in the bid/late 90’s. They may have been on Tax charges, but the guy is an expert at skirting the law… and yes, he does live a lifestyle that we only dream about. Hey, his rug prayers were answered!