More Satanic Plots (Not)
Thursday March 29, 2007
Someone in Corpus Christi, Texas, is kidnapping cats, mutilating them, and returning them to their owner's properties. Without evidence, the owners can only speculate that Satanists are stealing the animals, using them in unspecified rituals, and then taking pains to return them. Why they might do such a thing is never mentioned:
"I believe they're picking the cats up in the middle of the night and taking it to their piece of ritual or house or whatever and bringing the cats back and placing them in the front yard of the owner."What else have those crazy Satanists been up to? Apparently, entering cheesy disco-pop songs about vampires in Switzerland's Eurovision song contest, thereby endangering the souls of European youth (not to mention offending good taste) with brilliant lyrics like "I sleep through the daylight in my grave." Yechh. Christian groups have so far collected close to fifty thousand signatures protesting the song and its "satanic" lyrics.
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The American Secret Service have launched an in vestigation into one of the candidates for the presidency in 2008 after he pledged that as President, one of his first acts would be to impale President George W. Bush…
The candidate in question is Jonathon ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey, and he is running as the only self-described satanic vampire candidate who has so far entered the 2008 race.
Sharkey, 42, says that agents from the service visited him at home with his 19-year-old wife, Spree, to investigate his impaling pledge.
“They were telling me, when they were interrogating me, that their job was to protect Bush even after he’s out of office. I’m looking at them like, “Oh, you’re going to defy me when I become president?”"